The Vagina Monologues Helps Us Talk About Hard & Important Things

This weekend, I'll get up on stage and deliver a monologue that starts: "You cannot love a vagina unless you love hair." It's an opening piece from The Vagina Monologues, a short play that explores feminist issues by relating what real women had to say about their vaginas when asked. We'll be performing to participate in "V-day 2020," an initiative meant to raise awareness of widespread violence against women. It's kind of weird because I remember my college doing the same play probably ten years ago and, as an evangelical Christian, I was appalled at the crassness.

A lot has changed in ten years. Don't get me wrong. I'm still not the kind of person who generally talks about vaginas or sex in public. Hell, I don't think sexual innuendo is particularly funny and crude jokes tend to make me uncomfortable. A lot of the issues that The Vagina Monologues explores are vulnerable topics, so I was conflicted about whether to do it. Could I deal with potentially getting laughs in a piece about a man who blames his infidelity on his unshaved wife?

But ultimately, The Vagina Monologues is something I can get behind because it's real. It's about women who had no idea what their bodies could do for way too long, who had never had an orgasm or touched their vagina, at all, for any reason. But it's also about the relationships they ended up in, often with partners who disrespected them, objectified them and demanded they conform to harmful sexual fantasies.

These are very real things that we don't often talk about. When I started dating thirteen years ago, I went out with guys who used me. And I relate to the stories in the show because I let them. I'd been taught that sex was for marriage, and that men who were interested in sex were disrespectful. This put me in a vulnerable position because there were guys interested in sex who cared about women and guys who didn't, but I was totally unable to tell the difference until I was already being hurt and used.

I hope that by talking about the things we have put up with that we should have never been faced with, of contrasting love with abuse, respect with misogyny, more women will talk back and walk away from these kinds of harmful relationships.

I didn't understand what I deserved or how to demand it, and this seems to be the case for too many women. We end up with partners who will say and do things that would disgust the partners who deserve us. Now, when I hear about a woman being disrespected, I get so incredibly indignant. It's the same feeling I have when I think of things men have said to me in the past and wish that Present Me could teleport back into those moments to say what Past Me couldn't.

I've grown to the point of being able to unashamedly and unwaveringly demand respect and I've thankfully found relationships with men who exemplify kindness, respect, and caring. My hope is for all women to find relationships full of these things. And I hope that by talking about the things we have put up with that we should have never been faced with, of contrasting love with abuse, respect with misogyny, more women will talk back and walk away from these kinds of harmful relationships.

I know it's easy for people to feel dismayed at the title of the show - The Vagina Monologues - and at talking about private things in public. But you know what's far more shameful than saying the word "vagina" out loud in front of an audience? Perpetuating the silence that leads our sisters and daughters to continue being hurt by people in their lives who should be loving them most. Between saying the V-word and that, I'll take the V-word.